Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Thank you...customers

Hello my friends! Yesterday was Monday and I usually work on Mondays. It's my favorite shift because it's shorter and it goes quick! Well it must have been a full moon out because everybody was acting super put out. Not everybody...but a good percentage. It doesn't happen very often to me. Their inner wolf must have been howling! I would say "Hi! How are you?" and people would respond with, "Yeah. Do you have...?" O....okay! I'm doing great! Thank you for asking! We could just text each other and avoid this whole talking thing all together. I now know how a Walmart greeter probably feels like 90% of the time! I found myself simply wanting somebody (ANYBODY) to smile at me. It started to have a weird affect on me. My smile started to slip away. I thought about using my Twitter account which I haven't used since 2009 to announce to the world that me and the general public were breaking up. On top of it all I was getting hangry (that's irrationally angry because of hunger) After taking a break and discovering Wendy's Kid's Meals are now $1.99 after 4 p.m. (HOLLA!!! This girl is gonna have a huge toy collection!) I came back and decided something! All those happiness suckers couldn't have me. It was my choice. We have to choose happiness. We have to choose kindness. So I kept on smiling! And made a bad-A rocket ship out of my Kinex kid's meal toy! So to spread a little joy today's post is on one of the FUNNIEST books I've read! This book takes about 10-15 minutes to read which is always nice! Like a shot of happiness! Jimmy Fallon is always good for a laugh! I'm a huge fan of his thank you notes! You don't have to go buy it-I wrote down all the good ones! ;) I hope the excerpts make you giggle.   

"Thank you...the light bulb that's been burned out in my house for the past two months, for reminding me how lazy I am. And when I finally do replace you, it won't be with a light bulb I've bought-it will be with a light bulb from the least important light in the house."

"Thank you..."Yes, I Agree to the Terms and Conditions" box I have to click in order to install software. You know full well I didn't actually read the terms and conditions. For all I know, I just agreed to become the new face of herpes. But I'm still gonna click you."

"Thank you...people who show off their high school spanish when pronouncing their order at a Mexican restaurant. That way you just said "fajita" made me feel like I was wandering the rustic streets of Guadalajara. But I'm not. I'm in a Taco Bell and you're holding up the line, amigo."

"Thank you...lasers, for being spelled with an s even though you'd be totally more badass if you were spelled with a z. Just sayin'."

"Thank you...driver's license photo, for reminding me that there was at least one moment in my life when I looked exactly like a homeless serial killer."

"Thank you...guy at the dry cleaners, for charging me $11 to clean a dress shirt. It clearly doesn't cost that much, but you know I'll pay it anyway because I'm not really sure what you do and how much it should cost. In fact, I'm 99 percent sure that all you did was iron it and put a plastic sheet over it."

"Thank you...haters, for giving rappers so much to talk about."

"Thank you...NASA, for firing that missile at the moon. I think that sent a clear message to other lifeless rocks in the solar system that their constant orbiting will no longer be tolerated."

"Thank you...molars. If my teeth were a class picture, you'd be the fat kids in the back row."

"Thank you...the name Lloyd, for starting with two Ls. I'm glad both those Ls were there, because otherwise, I would have called you "Loyd.""

"Thank you...Christmas decorations, for going up right after Halloween. Nothing says "holidays" like seeing my neighbor replace his plastic Dracula with a plastic baby Jesus."

"Thank you...flour, for keeping the paper sack container business alive. Don't want to change your packaging, huh? Whenever I buy you I feel like I'm Charles Ingalls buying something from Oleson's store on credit."

"Thank you...slow-walking family walking in front of me on the sidewalk. No, please, take your time. And definitely spread out, too, so you create a barricade. I am so thankful that you forced me to walk into the street and risk getting hit by a car in order to pass you so I could resume walking at a normal human pace."

"Thank you... leaf blowers, for making me look like the world's lamest Ghostbuster. I ain't afraid of no leaves."

"Thank you...Lifetime Achievement Awards, for being a nice way of saying, 'We think you're about to die.'"

"Thank you...oscillating fans, for being soooo good, then not so good, then soooo good, then not so good, then soooo good."

"Thank you...guy in the revolving door who isn't pulling his weight, for letting me handle all the pushing responsibilities while you handle all the waiting responsibilities. No, let me get it for you. You're the king of the hotel entrance."

"Thank you.. fake drawer in my kitchen. Even though I've lived with you for ten years, you still manage to fake me out. Come on, fake drawer!"

"Thank you...pizza box,for being impossible to dispose of. Thank you for not fitting inside any trash bag or trash can or trash chute ever built by humans, and thank you for popping open and spilling half-eaten crust on me whenever I try to throw you away."

"Thank you..nickels, for being the redheaded stepchild of the coin community. You're so thick, yet you're worth so little. You're like the quarter's fatter, less successful brother."

"Thank you...tai chi, for being the perfect way to defend myself against an army of invisible slow-motion ninjas."

"Thank you....socks with sandals, for being a look that proudly declares to the world, "The people I'm friends with now are the only people I ever want to be friends with.""

"Thank you...certain days when I can see the sun and the moon in the sky at the same time. You make me feel like I'm Luke Skywalker on his home planet of Tatooine, concerned about his aunt and uncle and restless for adventure."

Thank you...Jimmy Fallon! For the laughs! And please for the love of all that is good in the world will you please smile today!

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